Depth Therapy for New Mothers: Tending to the Inner Landscape in Early Motherhood
I often contemplate the experience of motherhood as a process of “becoming”. This becoming is a continual process that a mother experiences far beyond the birth of a child.
Motherhood is a complex layered experience filled with so many emotions. Some mothers may experience a combination of shifts in identity, sheer joy and love, grief, ambivalence, perinatal and postpartum anxiety, perinatal and postpartum depression, relationship changes, and body changes. So many times these experiences are invisible to others, hidden away in the inner landscape of the mother. The cultural narrative of motherhood has overly focused on the glorification of self-sacrifice, the intuitive nature or motherly instinct related to caring for a baby, and the joyful aspects of building a family and having children. And it is true, there can absolutely be joy and deep overwhelming love. The kind that breaks your heart open. And there are also challenges. Also the kind that can break your heart open.
The Experience of Matrescence
These emotions are part of matrescence. This term was coined in the 1970’s by a medical anthropologist Dana Raphael. This experience includes the profound emotional, psychological, and spiritual transition into motherhood, much like adolescence, yet rarely given the acknowledgement and understanding that it deserves. I wish I knew about this term a long time ago. It makes so much sense and rightly describes my own experience of mother of 3. As a therapist, this also has been the experience of many people I have worked with in my practice, utilizing a depth therapy approach to healing.
What is Depth Therapy?
Depth therapy is a pathway to working with this type of complexity in the on-going process of matrescence and “becoming” in motherhood.
This type of therapy is an approach oriented toward moving beyond surface symptoms to the deeper parts of yourself. It includes working with the wisdom of unconscious or “psyche”, meaning-making, and centers the importance of the therapeutic relationship in healing. It offers a way to address the cause of suffering and can lead to lasting healing.
How can Depth Therapy be Helpful for New Mothers?
For new mothers, this approach can be particularly supportive in a few ways:
Identity Transformation: Exploring the relationship between the old self pre-motherhood and the sacred symbolism of the birth of the mother.
Embodiment and Body Image: Taking a compassionate stance toward the transformation of your body and holding a curious awareness of what the body is telling you. Paying attention to somatic cues and connecting to subtle body experience of motherhood.
Ambivalence: Making space for emotions that we feel guilty speaking about such as maternal rage, regret, anxiety, disconnection or difficulty bonding with baby, and guilt.
Ancestral Wounds: Considering one’s own relationship with parents, mothers, and mother-figures and caring for old wounds that can be activated. These wounds often need tending to as we move into our own role and identity shift as mothers.
Inner Dialogue: Working with images, dreams, thoughts, and anxieties in a safe sacred relational space where you can be witnessed without judgement.
This approach can help you develop a deeper relationship with your whole self, including this new identity of Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy (however you identify!) as well as the Inner Critic that so often shows up.
What Happens in Session?
Depth therapy utilizes mindfulness, somatic presence, and soulful inquiry. You can bring journal entries, dreams, images, and art to sessions. Anything that you are contemplating, worried about, or scared to say out loud. All parts of you are welcome in maternal therapy with me. We might talk about your week, how you are feeling in the here-and-now of the session, or things from your past.
The healing journey in motherhood is layered and deeply personal. Depth therapy focuses less on fixing what is broken and more on restoring wholeness and allowing integration of all parts of you (dark and light).
Who Can Benefit?
Depth therapy can be a supportive and sacred experience if you have been experiencing:
Worried and anxious feelings
Overwhelm in new motherhood
Loss of former identity
Loneliness even when surrounded by love
Uncertainty in how to inhabit your changed body
Cravings for a deeper understanding of yourself as a mother
I truly want you to know that you don’t have to navigate these feelings in isolation. Therapy for new moms can be a space to breathe, reflect, and gently connect with your soul, while supported by someone who is both trained (and gets it from personal experience as a mother of 3!)
I invite you to reach out for a consultation if you feel called to this kind of work. I offer virtual sessions for residents of NY, CA, and VT, and in-person therapy in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY. Together, we can tend to the inner landscape of motherhood with presence and compassion.